adjustment

Baby Ryan turned one month old on Sunday! Oh how I love my little scooby ( the official nickname given by daddy)
The past month has been filled with amazing happiness. Also, alot of frustration, dark circles under my eyes, and unfortunately, tears. As I write this post, Ryan is asleep on my chest in his moby wrap. He has proven to be a VERY colicy boy. He has so many tummy issues. Reflux, pooping problems, and lots of gas, and now a suspected lactose allergy. which means NO dairy for me :(  He is "one of those" babies.
I have been adjusting according to his needs. which is so hard. I have a lot of friends who have new babies right now..And I find myself comparing myself to them constantly.. Some have their kid on a sleeping schedule already- Ry would never be able to do this at this point with everything going on. Some are able to just be put in their crib and fall asleep on their own. Again, Ryans tummy is so bad he will not fall asleep unless I or bear are right there. This may be because I have done this from the get go. Which some would argue is bad parenting. But until you have a child whose face turns red... sometimes purple from screaming in pain and you can literally hear the bubbles pop in his tummy, you dont get it. Before I had Ryan, I was all excited about getting him on a schedule, and admittedly, I judged people who co slept with their babies, and "spoiled" them. Now, as a mother, I see how every child is so different. Oh motherhood, how you humble me.
life with this kiddo has been an adjustment to say the least. But honestly, even with all of his problems, i would not have it any other way. Heavenly Father sent ryan to me. He is a sweet blessing from heaven. and knowing that the Lord knew that I was the perfect mother for this sweet baby boy, makes tears come to my eyes. the fact that he thought I was good enough. Helps ME to see that I am good enough. sometimes it is so hard, as I judge myself when the laundry piles up, and the house is a mess, to see that. In the eyes of Heavenly Father. I. am. good.enough.  I am perfect for this child, as he is for me. I got this. He is behind me 100%. I am one blessed woman. and I couldnt be more grateful.