adjustment

Baby Ryan turned one month old on Sunday! Oh how I love my little scooby ( the official nickname given by daddy)
The past month has been filled with amazing happiness. Also, alot of frustration, dark circles under my eyes, and unfortunately, tears. As I write this post, Ryan is asleep on my chest in his moby wrap. He has proven to be a VERY colicy boy. He has so many tummy issues. Reflux, pooping problems, and lots of gas, and now a suspected lactose allergy. which means NO dairy for me :(  He is "one of those" babies.
I have been adjusting according to his needs. which is so hard. I have a lot of friends who have new babies right now..And I find myself comparing myself to them constantly.. Some have their kid on a sleeping schedule already- Ry would never be able to do this at this point with everything going on. Some are able to just be put in their crib and fall asleep on their own. Again, Ryans tummy is so bad he will not fall asleep unless I or bear are right there. This may be because I have done this from the get go. Which some would argue is bad parenting. But until you have a child whose face turns red... sometimes purple from screaming in pain and you can literally hear the bubbles pop in his tummy, you dont get it. Before I had Ryan, I was all excited about getting him on a schedule, and admittedly, I judged people who co slept with their babies, and "spoiled" them. Now, as a mother, I see how every child is so different. Oh motherhood, how you humble me.
life with this kiddo has been an adjustment to say the least. But honestly, even with all of his problems, i would not have it any other way. Heavenly Father sent ryan to me. He is a sweet blessing from heaven. and knowing that the Lord knew that I was the perfect mother for this sweet baby boy, makes tears come to my eyes. the fact that he thought I was good enough. Helps ME to see that I am good enough. sometimes it is so hard, as I judge myself when the laundry piles up, and the house is a mess, to see that. In the eyes of Heavenly Father. I. am. good.enough.  I am perfect for this child, as he is for me. I got this. He is behind me 100%. I am one blessed woman. and I couldnt be more grateful.

Baby Love

Ryan Randall Fitzgerald

 

Wow. That is about the only word I have to describe my birth experience. Well.. there are more. amazing, terrifying, beautiful, painful. 

We went in for the induction at 8 pm on December 18th. I was so excited and could hardly wait to get going. I was nervous as well. I remember almost shaking getting out of the car. Walking up to Labor and Delivery, Bear taking pictures the whole way. 

I got into my hospital gown, Got my IV started and placed on the monitor. I love the Gallump gallump sound that his little heart beat would make inside me :) 

The night resident came in and checked my cervix.... 1.5 cm... STILL! That meant NO pitocin for me until they could get me farther along. She explained they would give me another medication to dilate me farther through the night, and they would check me every 4 hours. And the best thing to do was rest... Rest?? HAHA who was she kidding?? I was so nervous/ excited/ anxious there would be no resting. 

Bear was totally fine to rest. He slept most of the night. While I lay awake watching HGTV and food network waiting for something, anything to happen. They checked me a couple times during the night and I wasnt progressing much. By 8 am, I was having crazy strong contractions. Worse than any I had ever had before. They said I could get my epidural, but there were alot of ladies in line for the anesthesiologist. So they suggested I take something for pain since I was soooooo uncomfortable. When given said medicine I laughed. Hard. Hysterically. The people in the next room probably thought a psych patient got loose.  I was totally gone. It was great. :)

After I got the epidural, life was good. They are magical things epidurals. I still hadn't progressed, so they decided to manually dilate me further. (I will spare the details, not fun/ pretty) needless to say it worked! better than we thought it would! I was at 5 cm within 4 hrs. not too shabby. 

Then they broke my water.. and that is when things got crazy. 

Ryan had been having a few heart decelerations. not too many, but a few. after my water broke, they got worse. Alot worse. I was on oxygen and lying on my side so he could get more oxygen and his heart rate would go up. I was so terrified. In 10 minutes, I was at 7 cm. I started feeling more and more pressure. I went a bit crazy at this point. I was so scared and in so much pain I kept yelling at bear to get the nurse. I will admit I was totally irrational. Child bearing does that to you. 

within about 2 hrs of repositioning and lots of oxygen trying to get his heart rate up, I was 10 cm!! wahooooooo! but, they would not let me push. There was a part of my cervix that wasnt quite thin enough. I had to wait 45 mins to start pushing. I had to go to my happy place during this time. I sang primary songs in my head and was doing some major concentration on my breathing. I felt bad because I got mad at my mom for touching me. I am telling you not being able to push when you know you NEED to... now that is the most horrible thing I have ever experienced. 

I started pushing and Ryan kept having decels. Scary ones. I ended up having him while laying on my left side. right up on my left hip. pushing. Insane. I remember that last push and looking up at bear and him telling me one more. He was so close. I gave it all I had... and at 5:50 pm on December 19th 2013 my beautiful baby boy was born into this world. 8 lbs 9 oz, 20 inches long and perfect. 

 

Holding him and kissing him for the first time was magical. The veil is so thin when a child is born. I could feel grandpa ninny there with us. It was truly an emotional and amazing feeling. I was so in love so quickly. 

 

My gorgeous family. Could it be more perfect? 

This moment was pure bliss :)

 

 My poor kids had colds right when he was born, that meant masks and LOTS of hand washing the first week.

Fast forward 3 1/2 weeks..............................................

we are exhausted.

By far the happiest, yet most tired I have ever been. Ryan is a spitty colic baby boy. He lives in bibs because I could not keep clean jammies on him. He is an awesome eater. But throws up a lot of what he eats. But, he is gaining weight and thats all that matters. 10 lbs 3 oz. now. Crazy. He changes every day. 

The kids are an amazing help. They love him so much. I am beyond grateful for them. They love to hold and snuggle him. He loves to sit and watch dad and ethan play video games. 

I will end this crazy long post now. Hope to have announcements done soon :) 

41 weeker

Never thought I would find myself here... I am 40 weeks 6 days pregnant... I am going to say 41 weeks. I think I deserve to round up. This picture is me on my due date. (last Thursday)

It has been a rough couple of weeks. Since about 38-39 weeks, I have been in and out of "labor" I dont even know that you could call it that. I have contractions, timeable, crazy intense contractions, for hours. then, its like a magical thing happens. They go.. AWAY! When I say magical, I mean totally and completely maddening.

Tonight at 8 pm, I go in for an induction. All my false labor contractions have not changed my cervix at all. So tonight is the night. FINALLY!! I cannot put into words how excited I am to be done.

Okay, that was my rant. 

I really am so excited about meeting this little guy. As hard as the past few weeks have been, I know that when Im holding my baby boy, It will all be worth it. I have been home from work because of all the contractions. So I have been trying to enjoy my last days of pregnancy. Looking back, it has gone by so fast, yet is probably the longest thing I've ever endured.. 

no. Im not crazy.:)

Today I am filling my day with finishing things. House is clean. laundry done. Update the blog, and making sure the bag I packed really has all we will need. I am also making it a point to really focus on Ryan, really feeling all his movements, and knowing it will all be over soon. Im so excited to finally have him in my arms, but I know that today is the last day he will be inside me. My last day being pregnant. .

Ryan, Mommy loves you so much and cant wait to meet you. the past 9 months have been such an amazing experience and I will cherish the memories you and I created while you grew inside of me. I love you my boy.

grateful

Im putting on my Grateful pants today. I need to wear them more often. Seeing how it is Thanksgiving, I want to write down some things I am grateful for... I am a bit anxious to get this baby out of me, and thinking about it, I really thought this would help me with my anxiety about the coming delivery and all the changes that are going on.  

1. FAMILY- Cliche right? A lame one that everyone uses. but seriously have you met my Husband? My sweet kids, this miracle growing inside me. I love him too even though he kicks my ribs like there is no tomorrow. Which, by the way I am grateful for, even though it hurts like crazy sometimes! Also, my parents, mother in law, and all the other amazing people I am lucky enough to say belong to my family.

2. The Gospel- How in the world would I ever survive without it? How would Bear and I raise these kids? How would we be able to cope with the many things life throws us? I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father and His truth. Plain and simple.

3. Our jobs- I love my job, working with cute babies and mommies every day is such a blessing. It really has taught me alot about parenting a newborn too. Its like my very own prep class. Im grateful that my husband loves his job, too. For a while, it was so hard as a wife to see him come home every day totally miserable and ticked. Yet willing, to provide for his family. Now its amazing to feel happy to go to work every day. Both of us.

Only 3 things. Simple things. Yet powerful when I can take a step back and look at all I have..
I am going to make it a goal that with every post, I will write something I am grateful for. Even if i just mention it.

Happy Thanksgiving 

Slacker

Its been a while since my last post. I need to get better. I keep saying that. I want this blog to be something I can look back at for memories. How can I do that if I dont post often enough! October was a fun month filled with cute kids, costumes, baby showers, and restless nights with an achey back. Halloween was really fun. Lauren was a Cheetah Cat, Meggy was Wonder Woman, and Ethan, well he said he went as a "gamer" he wore his normal clothes and just went to a buddies house to play Xbox. :) We also had some fun with the costumes this year. We went to a murder mystery party where we were asked to dress up as Professor Plum from clue and his wife. It was great. Our actual Halloween costumes were a hit at the ward party too :)

How cute are they? two additions- megs friends mae and jaymee. check out meggys guns in the back! she really is wonder woman :)

Basketball Player and the basketball. I am so glad we did this. although Bear had an awful cold this day, he was a trooper and dressed up with me. love my hubby.

annnd professor and Mrs. Plum - and their baby plum on the way

As I get closer to my due date, I am more and more in awe of my Heavenly Fathers plan for families and His love for all of us. I cant believe we were able to conceive so easily, and the joy Ryan has brought us already. not just Bear and I, but our kids as well. I know that a new sibling is a HUGE adjustment for everyone, but the kids are just so excited. I know that the Lord has been a huge part of their acceptance and love for their brother. And I couldnt be more grateful. I am 37 weeks now. Although my due date is 3 weeks away,I am now FULL TERM. Baby boy could come any day now. I have been making all the last minute preparations. Buying the diaper bag, packed and car seat/ boppy all ready to go. and, Christmas decor up/ about 75% of shopping done. I know it may seem like overkill, but I know I wont want to do any of it after. I want christmas to be about our family this year. I am so excited to celebrate Christs birth with ALL of my family. Little Ryan included. 

GULP. 37 week belly pic... dont mind the messy bathroom. I would be lying if I said Im not nervous at all for delivery. I am terrified. which is irrational, I know. But, I think a little fear is healthy :) as much as I want this kid here already, I am trying to enjoy these last few weeks of my pregnancy. I love feeling his little wiggles and hiccups inside me, and I know all too soon I will be even more sleep deprived than I am now.

Here's to a healthy last 3 weeks.

baby showers

I am so excited as the weeks fly by in this pregnancy. Finally Baby shower time! The girls and I posing at my Moms shower... The girls put balloons in their shirts to look like bellies. They make me look wayyyyyy less preggy. I have a few more showers to go. I am so lucky to have such a huge family/ward/friends that love me! It was really fun to see a bunch of cousins/ aunts that I dont see much.. also... Baby clothes and presents are SO FUN! I cant wait to start washing, folding and matching little socks and clothes. I think my nesting phase is beginning. We are painting an older dresser and jazzzing it up a bit for all Ryans clothes. I think that should be my project this weekend. It will be cute when its done. I will be 31 weeks this week. It is so crazy to think that Im almost done... 6 more weeks and I will be practically term.. But no delivering until after thanksgiving! My doc will be out of town. Hopefully he wont decide to come until after thanksgiving. Momma wants her turkey dinner! :) More pictures.........

Me and my mommy. Had a great time with her and catching up with everyone. You can kinda sorta see my resemblance to my mom in this picture... I think our noses are alot alike..

Me and Meggy at home before the shower. How cute is she?? she pretty much has better style than me already. I tried on a bunch of stuff and she picked out the cutest outfit for me. plus we were kinda matchy... which is always fun.

Happy Tuesday:)

Busy Busy

I need to be better at posting more frequently. but boy this month totally got away from me! Had a TON of fun, we celebrated Ethans birthday and Ordination. Chad ordained him a Teacher in the Aaronic Preisthood. Man, I am so proud of both of them. Ethan has totally passed me up in the height department. Don't mind baby Ryan. His mommas whale of a belly takes up most pictures he is in...

                                                   

Probably one of my favorites of the girls... this is totally them. we just said, ok now pose! and this is what we get... they are seriously hilarious.

Birthday Boy with his Bazinga Birthday cake. He loves Big Bang Theory,(the episodes we let him watch, lol) and thinks the whole Bazinga thing is hilarious... so we decided to make him a bazinga cake... well I thought the caution tape was hilarious(from the elevator if you watch the show) but no one really got it... lol... but thats ok. Ethan liked it and thats all that matters. Im kinda sad all my kids birthdays are over for this year, I love doing their cakes.. yet Im also really happy. I have mixed emotions about caking.

I tend to make a huge mess while caking....

Last weekend, the girls and I did a little project for above Ryans crib... I thought it'd be fun to have a pic of each of the kids when they were babies above the crib, along with a cute R for ryan, and Im waiting on a sign from etsy that says I am a child of God... should be really cute. Im excited. I will post a few pics when its closer to being done:) 

Lots of baby showers coming up... I cant wait to see all the fun little outfits and such he gets.

Unitl next time!