adjustment

Baby Ryan turned one month old on Sunday! Oh how I love my little scooby ( the official nickname given by daddy)
The past month has been filled with amazing happiness. Also, alot of frustration, dark circles under my eyes, and unfortunately, tears. As I write this post, Ryan is asleep on my chest in his moby wrap. He has proven to be a VERY colicy boy. He has so many tummy issues. Reflux, pooping problems, and lots of gas, and now a suspected lactose allergy. which means NO dairy for me :(  He is "one of those" babies.
I have been adjusting according to his needs. which is so hard. I have a lot of friends who have new babies right now..And I find myself comparing myself to them constantly.. Some have their kid on a sleeping schedule already- Ry would never be able to do this at this point with everything going on. Some are able to just be put in their crib and fall asleep on their own. Again, Ryans tummy is so bad he will not fall asleep unless I or bear are right there. This may be because I have done this from the get go. Which some would argue is bad parenting. But until you have a child whose face turns red... sometimes purple from screaming in pain and you can literally hear the bubbles pop in his tummy, you dont get it. Before I had Ryan, I was all excited about getting him on a schedule, and admittedly, I judged people who co slept with their babies, and "spoiled" them. Now, as a mother, I see how every child is so different. Oh motherhood, how you humble me.
life with this kiddo has been an adjustment to say the least. But honestly, even with all of his problems, i would not have it any other way. Heavenly Father sent ryan to me. He is a sweet blessing from heaven. and knowing that the Lord knew that I was the perfect mother for this sweet baby boy, makes tears come to my eyes. the fact that he thought I was good enough. Helps ME to see that I am good enough. sometimes it is so hard, as I judge myself when the laundry piles up, and the house is a mess, to see that. In the eyes of Heavenly Father. I. am. good.enough.  I am perfect for this child, as he is for me. I got this. He is behind me 100%. I am one blessed woman. and I couldnt be more grateful.

Baby Love

Ryan Randall Fitzgerald

 

Wow. That is about the only word I have to describe my birth experience. Well.. there are more. amazing, terrifying, beautiful, painful. 

We went in for the induction at 8 pm on December 18th. I was so excited and could hardly wait to get going. I was nervous as well. I remember almost shaking getting out of the car. Walking up to Labor and Delivery, Bear taking pictures the whole way. 

I got into my hospital gown, Got my IV started and placed on the monitor. I love the Gallump gallump sound that his little heart beat would make inside me :) 

The night resident came in and checked my cervix.... 1.5 cm... STILL! That meant NO pitocin for me until they could get me farther along. She explained they would give me another medication to dilate me farther through the night, and they would check me every 4 hours. And the best thing to do was rest... Rest?? HAHA who was she kidding?? I was so nervous/ excited/ anxious there would be no resting. 

Bear was totally fine to rest. He slept most of the night. While I lay awake watching HGTV and food network waiting for something, anything to happen. They checked me a couple times during the night and I wasnt progressing much. By 8 am, I was having crazy strong contractions. Worse than any I had ever had before. They said I could get my epidural, but there were alot of ladies in line for the anesthesiologist. So they suggested I take something for pain since I was soooooo uncomfortable. When given said medicine I laughed. Hard. Hysterically. The people in the next room probably thought a psych patient got loose.  I was totally gone. It was great. :)

After I got the epidural, life was good. They are magical things epidurals. I still hadn't progressed, so they decided to manually dilate me further. (I will spare the details, not fun/ pretty) needless to say it worked! better than we thought it would! I was at 5 cm within 4 hrs. not too shabby. 

Then they broke my water.. and that is when things got crazy. 

Ryan had been having a few heart decelerations. not too many, but a few. after my water broke, they got worse. Alot worse. I was on oxygen and lying on my side so he could get more oxygen and his heart rate would go up. I was so terrified. In 10 minutes, I was at 7 cm. I started feeling more and more pressure. I went a bit crazy at this point. I was so scared and in so much pain I kept yelling at bear to get the nurse. I will admit I was totally irrational. Child bearing does that to you. 

within about 2 hrs of repositioning and lots of oxygen trying to get his heart rate up, I was 10 cm!! wahooooooo! but, they would not let me push. There was a part of my cervix that wasnt quite thin enough. I had to wait 45 mins to start pushing. I had to go to my happy place during this time. I sang primary songs in my head and was doing some major concentration on my breathing. I felt bad because I got mad at my mom for touching me. I am telling you not being able to push when you know you NEED to... now that is the most horrible thing I have ever experienced. 

I started pushing and Ryan kept having decels. Scary ones. I ended up having him while laying on my left side. right up on my left hip. pushing. Insane. I remember that last push and looking up at bear and him telling me one more. He was so close. I gave it all I had... and at 5:50 pm on December 19th 2013 my beautiful baby boy was born into this world. 8 lbs 9 oz, 20 inches long and perfect. 

 

Holding him and kissing him for the first time was magical. The veil is so thin when a child is born. I could feel grandpa ninny there with us. It was truly an emotional and amazing feeling. I was so in love so quickly. 

 

My gorgeous family. Could it be more perfect? 

This moment was pure bliss :)

 

 My poor kids had colds right when he was born, that meant masks and LOTS of hand washing the first week.

Fast forward 3 1/2 weeks..............................................

we are exhausted.

By far the happiest, yet most tired I have ever been. Ryan is a spitty colic baby boy. He lives in bibs because I could not keep clean jammies on him. He is an awesome eater. But throws up a lot of what he eats. But, he is gaining weight and thats all that matters. 10 lbs 3 oz. now. Crazy. He changes every day. 

The kids are an amazing help. They love him so much. I am beyond grateful for them. They love to hold and snuggle him. He loves to sit and watch dad and ethan play video games. 

I will end this crazy long post now. Hope to have announcements done soon :)